From the Pastor: The Challenges in Your Marriage/Relationship as an Expat
Dear Friends,
Since the Expat in the City Fair, Shirin and I have been blessed to meet with several team members of different organizations represented at the Fair. We’ve discussed the idea of working synergistically with them to expand our services to the expat community.
A founder we connected with is Birgitte Kaps of only1life. She shared with us one of the most startling and surprising statistics of expat relationships. According to studies, expat relationships (be they married or partners) end in divorce about 70% of the time!
Yvonne McNulty (School of Business, Singapore Institute of Management University, Singapore) in her study, Till stress do us part: the causes and consequences of expatriate divorce, writes:
One of the most important contributions of this study is that it takes into account the role of the at-home spouse and children, rather than focussing only on the employed expatriate and the implications arising from a divorce to the MNC (i.e. work/non-work crossover effects). While this is not to suggest that the organizational perspective does not matter and can be ignored, it does suggest that the consequences of expatriate divorce can be better managed when the process of how they unfold for all the parties involved is more fully understood.
She also states:
In the context of expatriation, polarizing behaviors such as sexual misconduct and excessive work-related travel leading to isolation and family stress play a critical role in facilitating marital breakdown because these behaviors escalate the impact of a negative expatriate culture, often over a relatively short period of time. This is then exacerbated by a lack of strong support networks to support families during stressful periods. Family-centered activities, on the other hand, appear to have the opposite effect…creating “stable”, “committed”, and “emotionally intelligent” expatriate couples with a “shared sense of adventure” and a “team approach”. As one participant said: ‘I saw several successful families. They spent a lot of time together on the weekends. The working spouses seemed to have a very strong sense of family commitment. None of them checked out with alcohol, over-spending on trips and consumer goods, or spent much time away from their spouses and families.’”
The findings correspond to what we know is true from counseling expat believers—the externals look good, but the internal workings of family life and relationships can be devastating. It is very easy to absorb the culture and cultural values, unaware of (or denying) the extent of internal damage.
A key question expats often ask themselves is: Will it be better for us to move back home? The financial advantages of your job will never come close to the advantages of a positive environment for your family. But what if the burden of financial obligation or contracts oblige you to stay in an expat place? In such a case, ensure that you have a community that will hold you accountable to your beliefs as well as a support and safe place where you can share your struggles and move towards a healthy, wholesome experience in a foreign country—a place where you can live one of the most vibrant phases in your faith life.
So unless we have a plan to follow and a community of faith that provides a shelter or an anchor, our relationships and families will suffer. What is your life-abroad plan and how does that fit into God’s life plan for you?
This Sunday, we’ll be focusing on Ephesians 1:3-10 and God’s plan for history and our lives. Regular Sunday school classes for children and youth also restart this Sunday. The youth will be doing Absolutely Everything! Come and check it out.
If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me. You and your family are in my prayers as together we seek how best to serve God in Munich.
In Christ’s love,
Pastor John
