Betrayal and Abandonment: Can We Forgive and Forget?
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
–Proverbs 18:24
For it is not an enemy who taunts me—
then I could bear it;
it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—
then I could hide from him.
But it is you, a man, my equal,
my companion, my familiar friend.
We used to take sweet counsel together;
within God’s house we walked in the throng.
–Psalm 55:12–14
No matter who we are, what we do, or where we go, at some point in our lives, probably most of us will face a betrayal—a distress so deep, we will question if we can ever forgive or move on. The deepest betrayals, of course, come from those closest to us—those whom we trust the most. Perhaps a friend has lied to or about us, or a colleague has sold us out to their own benefit. We may go through family problems, divorce, financial disasters, job loss, and an endless list of things.
Jesus himself faced the greatest and most profound betrayals of all. When he said, “He who shared my bread has turned against me” (John 13:18), he was quoting Psalm 41: “Even my close friend, someone I trusted, one who shared my bread, has turned against me.”
Not only did Judas betray him to be murdered by the authorities, but Peter himself, who swore loyalty unto death, denied ever knowing him at the very first opportunity! The Bible is full of double-crossing, treachery, and disloyalty of all kinds. (These betrayals are also what God often used to bring about the greatest redemption stories we know.)
When we’re at our lowest point after a betrayal that has shaken us to our core, it’s easy to get depressed, to feel that no one cares about us. Joy is difficult to find.
If you’ve reached this low point because of betrayal or abandonment, remember that you aren’t alone. God will never abandon you. Go back to basics: relearn the truths that drew and grounded you in your faith and filled your heart with hope and cheer. Pick up your Bible and read through God’s promises. Start underlining, jotting down, or bookmarking those scriptures that seem to jump out at you or speak a particular message of hope and encouragement to you.
Cling to the truths of the Bible: God created the heavens and the earth. He carefully designed and made every creature to be filled with purpose. This applies to everything—every bug, bird, porpoise, and person. You may not recognize it, you may not believe it about your own life, but God’s purpose is built into it.
This purpose is stamped upon you like the words and images on a coin. You were “minted” by our Creator, made in his image (Genesis 1:27). And like the back of a well-used coin, though the words may have faded, God’s image on you is never completely erased, nor is his plan for your life.
So under no circumstances is your life ever meaningless. God has not forgotten you. You may be experiencing his redirection and need to discern his plan for your future. You might be surprised how many have gone through the same sense of forsakenness in their lives. Even people who seem to have it all can reach a point in life when friends leave, fortunes change, and they feel abandoned and vulnerable. Friendships can be fickle.
One of life’s hardest lessons is that people come and go throughout our lifetime. For years, we trust someone with our lives and can’t even imagine a time when they won’t be there for us. But the day comes when this seemingly unshakable bond has dissolved. Suddenly it’s gone—permanently. We may not even know why. And it seems that our world comes crashing down, and we’re alone—no one cares about us. Often, friends (even the best of them) are for only a season.
The apostle Paul knew that our days on earth, our human connections, where we live, and how long we live are all under the heading of Divine Design (Acts 17:26). We appear on this planet by plan, and we leave by divine appointment. Nothing in between is overlooked.
If betrayal or a sense of abandonment is robbing you of your joy, I want you to keep this truth in mind: There is Someone who cares about you.
But let’s say for a moment that, hypothetically, it is true, and not a single human being is standing alongside you. It still doesn’t matter—God is your loyal and faithful friend. The most generous and steadfast being in the universe is with you. He loves you more than any human can love and remains dedicated to you even when you betray, disappoint, and forsake him—many times over. So there is no such thing as a friendless Christian. This is simply a gross misperception, even an oxymoron.
There have always been believers in the world who, for various reasons, do not have friends or family with them. Have you heard of the missionary John Paton?
Born near Dumfries, Scotland, in 1824, John G. Paton went to minister in the New Hebrides (via Australia), now called Vanuatu. He ignored warnings from his church leaders that cannibals would eat him. Shortly after Paton arrived on the island, his wife Mary and his newborn son died of fever. He served for a while on the island but was soon driven out. Yet he wouldn’t give up. By God’s comforting presence and sustaining power, he returned to the island, soldiered on, and eventually won the people over by his stubborn love for them, a passion and endurance daily supplied by God.
How did he do this? Biblical scholar John Piper remarks, “The answer he would want us to say is: It came from God. But he would also want us to see what precious means God used and, if possible, apply them to ourselves and our situation.”[1] I highly recommended reading the missionary classic, John G. Paton: The Autobiography of the Pioneer Missionary to the New Hebrides (Vanuatu).
One of God’s miraculous gifts to some of us is deliverance from the tyranny of desperately wanting to be liked or loved (or applauded) by others, the gnawing need that has disabled or paralyzed people in all walks of life. This fundamental factor of human nature can be suspended when necessary for a divine reason.
God has granted this gift to his prophets, apostles, missionaries, evangelists, and anyone else who has needed it when all have forsaken them. He still grants it when we say and mean with all our hearts, “Let your will be done.”
Yes, we still want companionship and to be loved. We want friends who will be loyal and faithful to the end. But we know that we’ve come into a new dimension of Christian maturity when the obsession to be loved is overtaken by a greater desire to be the ones to like, love, and care loyally for the unloved, even if it is never returned. By sharing the never-ending love and grace of God with others, we learn over time how to be joyful in our relationships and enjoy our life in serving.
For Thought or Discussion:
- Share your thoughts: The apostle Paul knew that our days on earth, our human connections, where we live, and how long we live, are all under the heading of Divine Design (Acts 17:26).
- Has a valued relationship ever come to an end, maybe without even an explanation? How did you recover? Or have you yet?
- Did betrayal or abandonment affect your view of God, either positively or negatively?
- What life experiences have enhanced your sense of God’s faithful friendship?
____________
[1] “You Will Be Eaten by Cannibals! Lessons from the Life of John G. Paton.” DesiringGod.com https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/you-will-be-eaten-by-cannibals-lessons-from-the-life-of-john-g-paton (accessed February 2021).
____________
